I'm 32 years old and although there are days I feel old, I also feel very young. It amazes me that it was only 34 years ago today, that the first IVF baby was born.
Only 34 years ago?! I guess that can seem like a long time, but knowing that woman have been struggling with infertility for decades, it doesn't seem that long at all.
Today is Louise Brown's 34th birthday and although she may not realize the significance of her birthday, I surely do. Louise is the first IVF baby born. She is a miracle and I'm sure her parents agree. They struggled for nine years to conceive a child before seeing Dr. Robert Edwards. I can only imagine their heartache since there weren't fertility options as there are now, but also their skepticism when meeting with Dr. Edwards and learning about his new treatment. I was SO scared when we made the decision to do IVF and this wasn't anything new I hadn't heard of before. But we had to put our fears aside and put our trust into our Dr and his staff. Luckily for us, it worked and we are now just waiting for our miracle to arrive.
I cried and hugged and thanked our Dr when we got our news and only wish I could do the same to Dr. Edwards. Without him, our miracle wouldn't be possible. And not only for us, but for the thousands of other families that are now possible because of his research and breakthrough in fertility medicine. He definitely deserved that Nobel Prize for Medicine.
I read this article that a woman who also went through IVF wrote and was reminded of all the controversy that still surrounds IVF and the people who go through it.
Looking Back at First Test-Tube Baby
It truly is amazing that after 34 years, people still don't recognize infertility as a health condition and IVF as a medical treatment for it. However, the stigma around infertility and IVF still remains. I deserve a family just the same as the person next to me who is able to conceive on their own. Thankfully we were able to afford the resources to do IVF but there are so many couples out there who aren't able to, and therefore, sometimes have to make the decision to be child-less. Truly not fair. I also don't feel as though I cheated God's plan or am playing God by creating life outside my womb. I believe God gave us these resources for a reason, so we could also have the joys of parenthood. And I thank Him each and every day for that.
I do believe that the stigma is getting better as more and more information is available on infertility and treatment options. I will never hide our journey from anyone, including our children, but will be proud to be an advocate for those still struggling.
Never give up on your dreams!!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
39 Weeks
So here we are, one week to go! 7 DAYS! To think I've been counting down weeks and now I'm counting down DAYS!
However, these last days have to be the hardest. We are SO ready to meet Baby Barrett that time seems to stand still. Every little ache or pain I have, I stop and think "oh! a contraction?" only to realize it's just a Braxton Hicks or nothing at all. I really need to dig down deep and remember to be patient, something I was really good at up until this point.
At my appointment this week, I had "a plan" to really talk to my Dr about induction. I had a very difficult AFib episode last week that lasted 6.5 hours where I literally had a mental breakdown. It was my longest one since the initial episode I had in the hospital and I really thought the episodes were over since it had been almost a month since my last one. I just cannot fathom going through this again.
It started at 11pm last Tuesday and I think I fell asleep from about 3am to 5am off and on. At 5am I realized it had been 6 hours, which was the time limit from my cardiologist before I needed to go in. So I got up, took my daily meds and got in the shower. I figured I might as well get ready before I wake up J to bring me to the hospital. I had my hospital bag all ready to go as I wasn't sure if they'd want to get the baby out or what. Miraculously, I converted back in the shower. YEAH! I really didn't want to go to the hospital again and was so happy to feel "normal" again, though I was utterly exhausted from no sleep and my body being so stressed.
I told my Dr about the episode and she responded "we need to get that baby out of there!". I was so happy to hear she was on the same page! She said she would be able to induce me if I was at 3cm or more and either way, she would strip my membranes. Yeah!! My mind was already racing of what day we'd want to induce, etc. But of course when she checked me, I was STILL only 1cm dilated. Ugh. Three weeks in a row with no more progress. She stripped my membranes as best she could and said she'd see me next week. Again, need to find that patience.
I had seen a great little story about the last days of pregnancy and it totally sums it up.
Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between
I shall enjoy these last few days and relax knowing that Baby B will be here soon!
However, these last days have to be the hardest. We are SO ready to meet Baby Barrett that time seems to stand still. Every little ache or pain I have, I stop and think "oh! a contraction?" only to realize it's just a Braxton Hicks or nothing at all. I really need to dig down deep and remember to be patient, something I was really good at up until this point.
At my appointment this week, I had "a plan" to really talk to my Dr about induction. I had a very difficult AFib episode last week that lasted 6.5 hours where I literally had a mental breakdown. It was my longest one since the initial episode I had in the hospital and I really thought the episodes were over since it had been almost a month since my last one. I just cannot fathom going through this again.
It started at 11pm last Tuesday and I think I fell asleep from about 3am to 5am off and on. At 5am I realized it had been 6 hours, which was the time limit from my cardiologist before I needed to go in. So I got up, took my daily meds and got in the shower. I figured I might as well get ready before I wake up J to bring me to the hospital. I had my hospital bag all ready to go as I wasn't sure if they'd want to get the baby out or what. Miraculously, I converted back in the shower. YEAH! I really didn't want to go to the hospital again and was so happy to feel "normal" again, though I was utterly exhausted from no sleep and my body being so stressed.
I told my Dr about the episode and she responded "we need to get that baby out of there!". I was so happy to hear she was on the same page! She said she would be able to induce me if I was at 3cm or more and either way, she would strip my membranes. Yeah!! My mind was already racing of what day we'd want to induce, etc. But of course when she checked me, I was STILL only 1cm dilated. Ugh. Three weeks in a row with no more progress. She stripped my membranes as best she could and said she'd see me next week. Again, need to find that patience.
I had seen a great little story about the last days of pregnancy and it totally sums it up.
Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between
I shall enjoy these last few days and relax knowing that Baby B will be here soon!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
38 weeks
Only two weeks to go until official due date!
The CNP that I met with at my weekly appointment mentioned a due date of August 3rd, which really irritated me. As they know, we did IVF. I can tell them the EXACT conception date and time, which means my due date is pretty exact. July 31st. They should know better than to try and change my due date not only because of our conception process, but because I'm 38 weeks pregnant and even pushing it out 3 days is NOT cool. I may have to make sure my OB updates my file next week so I don't end up freaking out on a poor nurse.
On a good note, we're slowly making progress! I'm dilated to 1cm, 50% effaced and baby's head is at station -1.
The dilation doesn't mean too much as you can be dilated at 3cm for weeks with no labor and you can also be at 1cm and go into labor overnight. But I was happy to hear that my cervix is 50% thinned! Yeah!
And although I'm feeling a bit of pressure "down there", I wasn't sure how much the baby had really dropped. Here's a little diagram on the stations:
I'm at -1 and at +3, you are pushing. It might be time for some long walks to get things moving more!
I also got the results back from the Group B Strep test that I had last week. Positive. I shouldn't really be surprised as nothing with this pregnancy has been normal, but it's not a big deal so I'm not worried.
GBS is a bacterial virus that they test pregnant women for. If you are positive, you will be on antibiotics during labor as not to pass it to your newborn during delivery since it can be harmful for a newborn. About 30% of healthy women will test positive for it. Interesting enough, even if you test negative for it, you can test positive for it later and vice versa. It's a virus that can hibernate. So as I said, I'm not too worried. I'll just have an IV during labor/delivery to ensure Baby B stays healthy.
Here's more info: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/groupbstrepinfection.html
The CNP that I met with at my weekly appointment mentioned a due date of August 3rd, which really irritated me. As they know, we did IVF. I can tell them the EXACT conception date and time, which means my due date is pretty exact. July 31st. They should know better than to try and change my due date not only because of our conception process, but because I'm 38 weeks pregnant and even pushing it out 3 days is NOT cool. I may have to make sure my OB updates my file next week so I don't end up freaking out on a poor nurse.
On a good note, we're slowly making progress! I'm dilated to 1cm, 50% effaced and baby's head is at station -1.
The dilation doesn't mean too much as you can be dilated at 3cm for weeks with no labor and you can also be at 1cm and go into labor overnight. But I was happy to hear that my cervix is 50% thinned! Yeah!
And although I'm feeling a bit of pressure "down there", I wasn't sure how much the baby had really dropped. Here's a little diagram on the stations:
I'm at -1 and at +3, you are pushing. It might be time for some long walks to get things moving more!
I also got the results back from the Group B Strep test that I had last week. Positive. I shouldn't really be surprised as nothing with this pregnancy has been normal, but it's not a big deal so I'm not worried.
GBS is a bacterial virus that they test pregnant women for. If you are positive, you will be on antibiotics during labor as not to pass it to your newborn during delivery since it can be harmful for a newborn. About 30% of healthy women will test positive for it. Interesting enough, even if you test negative for it, you can test positive for it later and vice versa. It's a virus that can hibernate. So as I said, I'm not too worried. I'll just have an IV during labor/delivery to ensure Baby B stays healthy.
Here's more info: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/groupbstrepinfection.html
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Installed and Packed
Okay Baby Barrett, we're READY! The carseat is installed and the hospital bag is packed. The nursery is all ready and mom and dad are VERY anxious to meet you!!
It's official. As of today, we truly are ready. I think our little hospital trip made us realize that Baby B's arrival could be any day now and the last two things we needed to do, got a bit more important.
Turns out installing a car seat isn't that bad at all! Thank goodness for our cars having the latches for the car seats. What we thought would be an hour install was really only about twenty minutes. And most of that was double checking that it really was installed correctly and tightly since it was way too easy. Then we both sat in the car, looked back at the backseat, and smiled. There is a car seat in our car. Whoa!!
Once we got over that emotional hurdle, I grabbed my carry-on suitcase and began packing. I had a list of everything we needed to bring, but took the time to gather it all and put it in the suitcase. I'm sure I over-packed (as I always do) and although we only live 10 minutes from the hospital, I'd rather be overly prepared, right? Looking in the nursery and seeing a suitcase all ready to go, makes it that much more real.It really could happen any day now. When we finally get to meet this lil bugger. EEK!!
It's official. As of today, we truly are ready. I think our little hospital trip made us realize that Baby B's arrival could be any day now and the last two things we needed to do, got a bit more important.
Turns out installing a car seat isn't that bad at all! Thank goodness for our cars having the latches for the car seats. What we thought would be an hour install was really only about twenty minutes. And most of that was double checking that it really was installed correctly and tightly since it was way too easy. Then we both sat in the car, looked back at the backseat, and smiled. There is a car seat in our car. Whoa!!
Once we got over that emotional hurdle, I grabbed my carry-on suitcase and began packing. I had a list of everything we needed to bring, but took the time to gather it all and put it in the suitcase. I'm sure I over-packed (as I always do) and although we only live 10 minutes from the hospital, I'd rather be overly prepared, right? Looking in the nursery and seeing a suitcase all ready to go, makes it that much more real.It really could happen any day now. When we finally get to meet this lil bugger. EEK!!
Reassurance
I know I've said this before in a previous post (No such thing as Worry Free), but it's unbelievable how the mothering instinct kicks in even before you meet baby.
The last few days (Friday and Saturday), Baby Barrett's movements slowed WAY down. I had become really accustomed to alot of movement and hiccups at least twice a day, so of course I started to worry when I was barely feeling any movement and no hiccups at all for two days. I asked a few friends what they thought and read a bit online, but nothing could ease my mind. Friday night was awful as I couldn't sleep and was constantly thinking about him/her and whether or not everything was okay in there. And then when I did fall asleep, I dreamt about it. Was the cord wrapped around his/her neck? Was there enough amniotic fluid to nourish him/her? Was he/she in distress?
Saturday I was determined to get some good movement so I kept poking my belly to try and get some kicks and drank juice and laid down on my side to get some sugar to Baby B and get him/her active. I did feel a few movements, but nothing like I would have before. After trying to brush it off, I decided I needed to call the OB office for some reassurance. The OB on-call called me back and assured me that 4 movements in an hour was normal at this stage in pregnancy, but told me to come in to L&D (labor and delivery) so we could do some fetal monitoring. So off to the hospital we go (again).
We got to L&D and they put us in a triage room and got me all hooked up to monitor the baby's heartbeat and also my uterine contractions. Turns out I was having contractions and didn't even know it! Heck, if labor is going to be this easy, I can SO do this! (I wish)
Baby B's heart-rate was perfect for the hour we were there and I definitely felt reassured that all was fine. The staff was fantastic and told me they were happy I called and came in. I shouldn't ever feel awkward for doing that as it's better to be safe than sorry and I know my body and my baby better than they do. Whew! So I'm not this crazy first time mom then :)
And now knowing what to expect these last few weeks, the lack of movement won't be worrying me as much. Baby B is simply running out of room in there; now only if he/she used that as an indication that it's ready to come out!
The last few days (Friday and Saturday), Baby Barrett's movements slowed WAY down. I had become really accustomed to alot of movement and hiccups at least twice a day, so of course I started to worry when I was barely feeling any movement and no hiccups at all for two days. I asked a few friends what they thought and read a bit online, but nothing could ease my mind. Friday night was awful as I couldn't sleep and was constantly thinking about him/her and whether or not everything was okay in there. And then when I did fall asleep, I dreamt about it. Was the cord wrapped around his/her neck? Was there enough amniotic fluid to nourish him/her? Was he/she in distress?
Saturday I was determined to get some good movement so I kept poking my belly to try and get some kicks and drank juice and laid down on my side to get some sugar to Baby B and get him/her active. I did feel a few movements, but nothing like I would have before. After trying to brush it off, I decided I needed to call the OB office for some reassurance. The OB on-call called me back and assured me that 4 movements in an hour was normal at this stage in pregnancy, but told me to come in to L&D (labor and delivery) so we could do some fetal monitoring. So off to the hospital we go (again).
We got to L&D and they put us in a triage room and got me all hooked up to monitor the baby's heartbeat and also my uterine contractions. Turns out I was having contractions and didn't even know it! Heck, if labor is going to be this easy, I can SO do this! (I wish)
Baby B's heart-rate was perfect for the hour we were there and I definitely felt reassured that all was fine. The staff was fantastic and told me they were happy I called and came in. I shouldn't ever feel awkward for doing that as it's better to be safe than sorry and I know my body and my baby better than they do. Whew! So I'm not this crazy first time mom then :)
And now knowing what to expect these last few weeks, the lack of movement won't be worrying me as much. Baby B is simply running out of room in there; now only if he/she used that as an indication that it's ready to come out!
Friends Shower
Last weekend I had my last baby shower, celebrated with my girlfriends. All I can say is WOW! Baby Barrett is spoiled! And I am SO grateful to have such a great group of friends!
The party was hosted by "The Girls" (see above) and was a book theme...to my surprise! So many cute little decorations for the theme including a homemade banner (as seen behind us) with pages from The Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar and cute little cupcakes with mini-books stuck in them.
We played some book themed games including I Have Never (a much more PG rated version) and everyone was asked to bring a book in lieu of a card to build Baby B's book collection. Such a great idea and now we have so many great books for many nights of stories!
I was also paid back by having to go through the game where everyone cuts ribbon to guess the size of my belly; which I always made sure we played for each of their showers :) We had a tie and a few who guessed WAY too big (you know who you are!).
Baby Barrett got a ton of great gifts, a lot of bath-time essentials and cute outfits and toys. The best part was seeing everyone. It gets harder and harder for us all to get together. We all have such busy lives with jobs and families of our own, since most of my girlfriends have children already or one on the way. In fact, there were four there who are also pregnant; it must be in the water! A few times I just sat back back and watched all the chit-chat going on; never a quiet moment when you get a room of friends together.
I am so grateful for each and every one of them. They each played a role in our journey, whether it was a supportive email, a hug, encouragement to keep going and most importantly, all the prayers. My true friends came out during that time and it was so great to celebrate Baby B as they all had a part in making it happen.
Looking forward to MANY playdates!!
The party was hosted by "The Girls" (see above) and was a book theme...to my surprise! So many cute little decorations for the theme including a homemade banner (as seen behind us) with pages from The Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar and cute little cupcakes with mini-books stuck in them.
We played some book themed games including I Have Never (a much more PG rated version) and everyone was asked to bring a book in lieu of a card to build Baby B's book collection. Such a great idea and now we have so many great books for many nights of stories!
I was also paid back by having to go through the game where everyone cuts ribbon to guess the size of my belly; which I always made sure we played for each of their showers :) We had a tie and a few who guessed WAY too big (you know who you are!).
Baby Barrett got a ton of great gifts, a lot of bath-time essentials and cute outfits and toys. The best part was seeing everyone. It gets harder and harder for us all to get together. We all have such busy lives with jobs and families of our own, since most of my girlfriends have children already or one on the way. In fact, there were four there who are also pregnant; it must be in the water! A few times I just sat back back and watched all the chit-chat going on; never a quiet moment when you get a room of friends together.
I am so grateful for each and every one of them. They each played a role in our journey, whether it was a supportive email, a hug, encouragement to keep going and most importantly, all the prayers. My true friends came out during that time and it was so great to celebrate Baby B as they all had a part in making it happen.
Looking forward to MANY playdates!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Fully Baked!
I made it! I'm officially 37 weeks and full term! If Baby Barrett were to make an appearance, we (including our OB), would surely welcome he/she. However, I think Baby B has it's own agenda.
At my weekly appointment, I hadn't made any progress. Dr said my cervix is still totally closed but it's very soft (so at least something I suppose!). I've been taking evening primrose oil pills for the last few weeks as that is said to help your cervix along. Not sure if it's helping or not, but I'll keep taking them in hopes we see some progress in the next few weeks. And if not, time to re-visit my acupuncturist for some labor inducing techniques at week 39.
I have been so patient up until now. I'm getting very anxious to meet this lil bugger and rid myself of these cankles. However, if Baby B thinks he/she needs to stay in there a little longer, I'm okay with that. I want he/she to be as healthy as possible! But if August 1st comes along, I'll be saying another thing.
I also was very happy at my appointment last week to see a loss of 2 pounds, however this week those 2 came back, plus 1. Oh well...
And now that I've reached full term, I thought I'd get daring and take my first bare belly shot. I've been very lucky (and very religious with lotions and oils) and have no stretch marks on my belly! Hoping I can keep this up these last few weeks and if we make it to week 40, perhaps another bare belly pic :)
At my weekly appointment, I hadn't made any progress. Dr said my cervix is still totally closed but it's very soft (so at least something I suppose!). I've been taking evening primrose oil pills for the last few weeks as that is said to help your cervix along. Not sure if it's helping or not, but I'll keep taking them in hopes we see some progress in the next few weeks. And if not, time to re-visit my acupuncturist for some labor inducing techniques at week 39.
I have been so patient up until now. I'm getting very anxious to meet this lil bugger and rid myself of these cankles. However, if Baby B thinks he/she needs to stay in there a little longer, I'm okay with that. I want he/she to be as healthy as possible! But if August 1st comes along, I'll be saying another thing.
I also was very happy at my appointment last week to see a loss of 2 pounds, however this week those 2 came back, plus 1. Oh well...
And now that I've reached full term, I thought I'd get daring and take my first bare belly shot. I've been very lucky (and very religious with lotions and oils) and have no stretch marks on my belly! Hoping I can keep this up these last few weeks and if we make it to week 40, perhaps another bare belly pic :)
Paper Stock for Stocking Paper
Thought of the day: I wonder if Cottonelle toilet paper has stock I can buy?
Ha! They do! Turns out Kimberly Clark (NYSE: KMB) is currently at 84.10. I really should have checked into that earlier, cause we sure are going through a lot of it!
Like most women, I also have a small bladder. And this is when I'm not pregnant. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm pretty sure it's shrunk in half; or more accurately, Baby Barrett sure finds it cushy to sit on and/or kick it.
Of course I knew this time would come, everyone told me that you'll be going to the bathroom A LOT, but I really had no idea how much they really meant. I feel like I'm spending more time in the bathroom than I thought possible and when I'm not in there, I feel as though I should be! This is crazy!
It doesn't help that I'm drinking water like a fish, but I can't help it, I'm always so thirsty. Plus I'm trying to drink a lot of water to help with my cankles, though that doesn't seem to be working. At all.
So for now, if you can't find me, check the bathroom. Chances are I'll be there...or on my way!
Ha! They do! Turns out Kimberly Clark (NYSE: KMB) is currently at 84.10. I really should have checked into that earlier, cause we sure are going through a lot of it!
Like most women, I also have a small bladder. And this is when I'm not pregnant. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm pretty sure it's shrunk in half; or more accurately, Baby Barrett sure finds it cushy to sit on and/or kick it.
Of course I knew this time would come, everyone told me that you'll be going to the bathroom A LOT, but I really had no idea how much they really meant. I feel like I'm spending more time in the bathroom than I thought possible and when I'm not in there, I feel as though I should be! This is crazy!
It doesn't help that I'm drinking water like a fish, but I can't help it, I'm always so thirsty. Plus I'm trying to drink a lot of water to help with my cankles, though that doesn't seem to be working. At all.
So for now, if you can't find me, check the bathroom. Chances are I'll be there...or on my way!
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