They say that "laughter is the best medicine". In that case, Girls Weekend this last weekend was just what I needed! I haven't laughed that much, that long and that hard in a very long time.
It was also great that my infertility issues didn't come up and didn't overtake conversation; everything was light-hearted and fun and that's what a Girls Weekend is all about! No kids, no husbands, no jobs and no medical issues. Just laughs :) Once again, I felt like"me" again and can take this break and not think about what is yet to come in our journey.
Girls Weekend was so good for my mind, body and soul.
Thank you Girls!!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Epiphany!
Today is August 24th, 2011 and I have no idea what day of my cycle I’m on.
This may seem like no big deal to most of you, but to me..this is HUGE!
I’ve been tracking my cycle for TWO YEARS. Every day for the last two years, I’ve known which day of my cycle I was on – if it was a hormone or ultrasound day and how close to ovulation I was… it's a vicious cycle that can drive you insane.
For once in the last two years, I feel FREE; I feel like myself again!
Although my mind is always thinking about what is yet to come in our journey, right now I'm living my life every day and enjoying it again. This feels good.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The True Test
How did we get here? Why hasn't anything worked?? What's wrong with me????
Why am I being punished? Why am I being with-held from the one thing I long to have?!? What have I done to deserve this?? I feel so empty and lonely - why isn't God here when I need him most?
I don't have any answers and I don't think I ever will. Somehow, I just need to have faith. As if it were that easy..
I've always been a faithful person. I was surrounded by faith growing up and always believed. Up to this point, I had always felt God had given me a great life.
I thank my Mother for her faithful advice. This has been my true test of faith, and I will make it through this. I need to thank God for what I DO have. We have jobs that will allow us to make the next step in our journey and we have family and friends who are here to support and love us. These are things He made possible and she's right, I haven't thanked Him enough for these things, but instead all I've been doing is questioning Him and being angry with Him.
This is my test and I will pass it (hopefully ace it!); it's definitely broadened my faith and opened my eyes. I know one day I'll look back and see His plan more clearly.
Why am I being punished? Why am I being with-held from the one thing I long to have?!? What have I done to deserve this?? I feel so empty and lonely - why isn't God here when I need him most?
I don't have any answers and I don't think I ever will. Somehow, I just need to have faith. As if it were that easy..
I've always been a faithful person. I was surrounded by faith growing up and always believed. Up to this point, I had always felt God had given me a great life.
I thank my Mother for her faithful advice. This has been my true test of faith, and I will make it through this. I need to thank God for what I DO have. We have jobs that will allow us to make the next step in our journey and we have family and friends who are here to support and love us. These are things He made possible and she's right, I haven't thanked Him enough for these things, but instead all I've been doing is questioning Him and being angry with Him.
This is my test and I will pass it (hopefully ace it!); it's definitely broadened my faith and opened my eyes. I know one day I'll look back and see His plan more clearly.
Monday, August 15, 2011
The dreaded three letters: IVF
If you asked us at the beginning of our journey if we ever thought we'd be here, we'd look at you like you were crazy and confidently say "No way!". Well....we ARE here and I'm still not sure what to think. We've been through so much already in the last two years TTC and I know we can get through this together. It's hard for me not to go into this knowing it will work, cause that's what we did before and we were defeated, but I can't go into this knowing it won't, it just HAS to work. It could be our last chance, our last hope at having the family we SO desperately seek.
However, for now it's time for a little break, time to research our next Dr. and clinic and get our lives back in order.
And so our journey continues...
However, for now it's time for a little break, time to research our next Dr. and clinic and get our lives back in order.
And so our journey continues...
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Decisions
Here we are. Decision time. We've exhausted Our Plan, all 6 inseminations have failed and we now need to make a decision on what we want to do next. Injections or IVF.
Injections will be pretty much the same game plan, but instead of pill-form hormones, its daily injections which I have no issues with self-injections, but the cost is much more per cycle. Injections will make me create more follicles, but I never had an issue with that up to this point. Is it worth spending almost double each cycle to make more eggs when we still don't know what the issue is?
IVF is ALOT more expensive and alot harder on the body. The process is much more aggressive but the results along the way are much more accurate and visible. We also get a guarantee that it will work, or we get our money back. Are we ready to spend that kind of money?
Injections will be pretty much the same game plan, but instead of pill-form hormones, its daily injections which I have no issues with self-injections, but the cost is much more per cycle. Injections will make me create more follicles, but I never had an issue with that up to this point. Is it worth spending almost double each cycle to make more eggs when we still don't know what the issue is?
IVF is ALOT more expensive and alot harder on the body. The process is much more aggressive but the results along the way are much more accurate and visible. We also get a guarantee that it will work, or we get our money back. Are we ready to spend that kind of money?
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